Day 81: Celebrate Nature

 Day 81: Celebrate Nature

Lure a fly onto this page and swat it here.

I was not so lucky this time.  I couldn't get anything onto the page and I have no luck ever killing flies... that's what my kitty does.  Anyway, I hope this book starts to give me more realitic things to do soon or this blog is going to become a bore.  Not that anyone is reading it anyway...

Day 80: Today start to eat a piece of furniture

 Day 80: Today start to eat a piece of furniture

You will need: A piece of wooden furniture (wardrobe, bookshelf, table, chair), a nail file.  Shave off a small amount of wood from your piece of furniture.  Sprinkle it on your lunch.  Enjoy!  Preserve every day and you should be able to eat the entire piece of furntiure within 20 years.

This is stupid.... NEXT... 

Day 79: Become and expert on Today

Day 79: Become and expert on Today

Read all the newspapers from A to Z and watch all the news bulletins so that by midnight tonight no one in the world knows more about the events of Day 79 than you.  Here is a quick test to check your knowledge before you use it to attain unheard of riches and power:

Weather in Zambia today: Low of 62 in some parts High of 90 in others
Number of wars in progress today: About 14
World population today: 6868323909 and counting

Result of main sporting event today: US Open Round 2 Andy Roddick to play Janko Tipsarevek
First topic on Jerry Springer today: "I kissed your man and I liked it"
Middle East oil reserves today:  Can't find it

Number of astronauts in space today: 6 all on the ISS
Lottery results in Colorado today: 01 06 11 21 23 28
Percentage of faked orgasims today: n/a
Time spent waiting for phones to be picked up: n/a

Moon-Earth distance at midday: 238,857 miles
Horoscope of Leo's with Scorpio ascendants: Make yourself feel better by taking care of small things on your to-do list. Checking items off allows you to perceive progress. Pay attention to both household and family concerns. A surprise party may be in order.
Number of birthdays worldwide: 137,080



Congratulations: you are now the world's leading expert on today's news.  Tomorrow morning be sure to get a business card printed and send it to everyone you know.

My answers are in bold to what I could find.  If there is an n/a its because its impossible to know and this book being ridiculous again.  I was surprised naively at all the current wars, and I couldn't find the number of birthdays today but I did find births.